Tuesday, July 28, 2009

Dealing with decisions is rough, but feels good.

Yesterday morning I woke up and a decision that I have been ruminating over for MONTHS was made - kind of magically, in my head.

I have been homeschooling my daughters for the past year. I have enjoyed it, bemoaned lack of funds to do more field trips, and overall worked pretty hard at it. I brought my older daughter's math grade level from 3rd grade to 6th grade in about 3 months. And I taught my 3, now 4 year old to count, write her name, sing, dance, draw, some letters (although she recognizes them best on the computer keyboard, which makes me fear she will learn a QWERTY alphabet!), and basically be kinder to her fellow souls.

I am a huge champion of homeschooling. I think it is the absolute best way to go for SOME kids. And my kids thrive with it.

But my 13 year old wants to go to middle school. She will be in 7th grade, and yes, she should be in 8th but *I* chose to keep her back a year so she could actually learn rather than squeaking by. And I want to write. And I will be working full time again soon, hopefully.

In the past week I have thought alot about my wellness, or lack thereof. I discovered that I am chronically over-committed and this causes me to sink into depression, or freeze in place, unable to do anything positive or effect positive changes.

So I decided that I will send my daughters to school.

I spent yesterday feeling very guilty. Feeling as if I failed somehow as a parent.

Then I realized this is what most other people do. Most people are not concerned with playing any other role except that of parent with their chid(ren). And this is what other children do. They go to school, have semi-healthy relationships with peers, and someone else gets to be the bad guy when they don't know their math.

Today I feel okay. My mood is good without being over the top. And I am here. And trying not to freak out about all the school physicals, transportation, and other crappy details that go with beginning school. Well, back to the salt mines.

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