Now I am thinking about the silver lining of every cloud, to borrow a trite and overused cliche.
There is some positive to the darkness of my depression.
This past May I cleaned out some of my old journals and writings and was amazed to find some stuff that does not actually suck. Some of the best writing I have done has come from some of my darkest nights.
In taking that week and a half to go through my old stuff I was able to spend more time with my grandmother than I had been able to in a while. Two weeks later, she was dead. If my depression had not prevented me from procrastinating cleaning that stuff out, I would have never gotten to spend those last weeks with her. My daughters also got some time to be with her as well.
I also think that being depressed has made me feel things more acutely. It has helped me have empathy and compassion for others on a level that might not have otherwise been possible for me. It has helped me forge friendships with others struggling in this illness that have helped me immeasurably. And hopefully, it has enriched someone else's life just a little. Because I have a sneaking suspicion that is what it is all about, making it better for someone. We are all surviving. And we are all beautiful.
As I wrote this last, the winds really came up and whipped the trees. I love affirmation.
Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance