What I have been reading for the past 5 days or so...

The Hour I First Believed: A Novel by Wally Lamb

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is was no less than a tour-de-force in a life. I felt the "current events" that were visited in the book (9/11, Katrina, Columbine) were integral to the story, insofar as these are the events that are in the American social psyche. Artful and meaningful, and evoked lots of introspection from me as well. That is what I want from any work of art. This is.




View all my reviews.

A book recommendation from my goodreads

Those Who Save Us by Jenna Blum

My review

rating: 5 of 5 stars
This is one of the best books I have ever read!

It is a wonderful story of identity and self-definition. I highly recommend it to anyone brave of heart.


View all my reviews.

Recovering from the Christmas holiday

It was a fun and low-key holiday here in the humble abode. My mother and grandmother braved the rains that KY has been getting while the rest of the eastern US has been getting slammed with snow. We built a big fire, and the kids opened gifts for almost an hour. I made a meal and there were no leftovers, and then we chilled out together in front of the fire.
On Christmas day, we observed our other time-honored tradition of going to lunch at the Chinese buffet about a mile from the house. And then I packed up my bag and went to work for about 8 hours at the residential program I began working at about 2 months ago. The kids had all gone home for the holiday, so I ended up reading (_The Hour I First Believed_, by Wally Lamb) and knitted on Fedelis' (my boss at the other job) birthday scarf, as seen here (still not finished). All in all, a very productive shift!

Happy ..... er, Holidays and Holy Days...

This is the time of year when I become rather shocked at the behavior of some "Christians" who conduct themselves as ill-mannered stormtroopers in search of a bargain, or the best parking place. Yesterday was no exception, as I spent 45 minutes in the car with a broken radio and 2 whining children (one is three, one is in the halycon of puberty) trying to make my way out of a parking lot. It was scary how people in search of presents to commemorate their baby Jesus' birthday were instead cutting each other off in traffic and blowing horns and displaying other sign language in a rather bizarre fashion. I began to wonder, did the Magi bring gold, frankincense and flying bird? Maybe so.
So here I sit, my hands hurting from knitting endless dishcloths in cotton yarn, and my Christmas spirit is about fizzled out, along with my energy and bank account. Working Christmas day will help address some of that. That's why I am planning on forgoing a family Christmas and spending the evening working my second job. And thinking about how much better it would be to have a regular gig and health insurance.
Here's the most recent dishcloth, began an hour or so ago, and will be finished before this shift is over....

I took the 43 Things Personality Quiz and found out I'm an Extroverted Reinventing Romantic

Being sick sucks...

For the past four days I have been hiding in my bed, sick with what I choose to diagnose as strep throat (in the US when you don't have health insurance, you get to be your own MD), and basically reading and knitting a bit. I have read lots of Charlaine Harris, and also some Laurie Notaro. (The jury's still out on LN - she's funny enough, but a bit too classist for my taste.) So I have watched lots of late night tv, slept past the migraine barrier, and drank more fluids than I did in the last 6 months previous. All in all, probably a break I needed, but damn, what a way to make it happen.
Anyway I knitted my first hat, YES I AM A GEEK AND A SLOW DEVELOPING ONE AT THAT. Here it is... It is of a cashmere and merino superchunky blend, soft and warm, like BUTTA!

...and ma in her cap, had all settled down for a long winter's nap

After working all night, I was happy to come home into a hot bath and lull myself into that spacy space in my brain where there is no real thinking, but merely free association. In my mental meanderings, I realized that there is really nowhere else I would rather be than in a hot bath, or in front of my fireplace with roaring logs and some knitting or a good book.
Anyway, I am reading a borrowed book of essays by Laurie Notaro, whom I just heard about (from the friend who owns this book), and enjoying it immensely. I also finished The Historian and while I enjoyed it, I did find it tedious and hard to force in some points.
On the employment front, I have gotten another part time job, bringing the total to two, but not enough to support the family or anything. And last week the husband's unemployment was cut off, and he of course is doing little or nothing to remedy the situation.

Settling in for winter... or, Why My Fireplace is Keeping Me Sane

Here is a photo of yours truly in front of the fireplace in the house. (Okay, it is a picture of the fire; I look too rough after a hideous day and my image is so negative that a negative could not take it!)
There is something to be said for being able to sit in front of the fireplace and be warm while one ponders on the farce (or tragedy, pick a day) that is life.
So nothing new in the land of the not-right writer. I am barely writing, but I am still not right. And still knitting and still hanging by a thread sanity-wise.
I am working as a substitute counselor in a youth residential program. It is not a bad job, but no hours are guaranteed so it could be better.
The kids are still doing fairly well in our homeschooling venture.
Tim remains out of work, coming up on 2 months.
I have been reading lots of stuff! Most recently Charlaine Harris (Lily Bard and Harper Connelly series) and Elizabeth Kostova's The Historian.
All has been enjoyable, and we all know if I am reading something good then I am still holding on to sanity with white knuckles.

And the beat goes on....

Well, the holidays are swiftly approaching at Chez Terre, and basically nothing is changing.  The house is still a mess, the kids are still smarmy, and the adults are still looking for paying work.

I have been knitting a bit.  Here are some photos of the strangled vines scarf I am trying to finish in the next week!

WILL WORK FOR YARN...

or maybe even Sox Stix at this point.  I have been playing with the sock thing again, and decided that I need to have shorter dpns... but here is what it looks like.

It is rough being a terrible novice knitter.  If I had any sense I would probably stop.  Thank goodness I don't have any sense!

On the employment front, I have lined up a couple of interviews at some low-paying retail jobs, but I tend to like those types of jobs, as they are not dealing with the life-and-death-dealios I usually get immersed in for only slightly more pay.  

I am truly panicking, as there does not seem to be alot of job opportunities right now, and our bills are becoming overdue.  

Oh well, I need to go have my panic attack offline.  Good night and good luck.

More images from the life of the not-right writer...

Hope returns....

So the American people have spoken.  And my faith is renewed in them.  

The work Mr Obama has in front of him is daunting, and the idea of reversing the results of eight years of buffoonery and bad decisions is huge. 

I have faith in him.  

One more day....

So tomorrow is the election.  I am nervous because it is such an important time, and that there is such a potential for change.  But then again, I am also nervous that there may not be enough of a potential for change.  

I am also concerned that we may have a repeat of the 2000 election, where poor people and minorities were disenfranchised to secure the election for those who were not truly elected.  

Here's hoping that WE the PEOPLE do not allow this to happen again.  Here's hoping that WE the PEOPLE make a difference.  

Is it almost over?????

Today I am musing - one, about whether to go commercial or just make a big cup of tea for breakfast - and two, about how in another week and a day, the media will take a collective sigh and find something else with which to barrage us....  I am looking forward to the end of the US presidential campaigns and the elections, even if I am a bit horrified over the possible results.  

Supposedly I live in a "red" state, which is difficult at best.  However, in my discussions with friends and acquaintances, it does not feel red.....

In the early summer I was cashiering at a major chain home improvement warehouse type of store, and a fifty-something white male customer deemed it necessary to give me a sample lesson in politics (albeit, rich white guy politics).  He said, "Go with who has keep you safe, the old white guy."  I smiled and gave the bastard his receipt, but I thought, WHO has kept me safe? Is it the asshat that has plunged me and my family for generations into debt?  Is it the guy who sat and read a children's book when several locations in this country where being attacked? Was it his cohort, some say the brains behind the operation, who went quail hunting, shot his friend and fellow hunter, and then had the injured man make a media apology?  Is it the fuckwad whose family is in the oil business, and who has profitted every time I have had to take my kids' food money and use it for gas to get to work?  

I am not getting bombed.  For the next few weeks - only a weekly basis, as I am the only one working in my household, so I am supporting a family of four on $800 a month (no, not a typo), and we live my paycheck to my paycheck - I have a roof over my head.  All of our utilities have been shut off one time or another in the last 3 months.... does this mean I am safe?  I guess so.  

I am not safe from myself, as depression really seeps in when you can't feed your kids, but know somehow, you have been tricked into feeding generations to come of the Bush regime.  

Who has kept me safe?

Hint: It ain't the rich white guy.  

I love autumn....

Today I am actually in a good mood.  Hell must have frozen over.... Yesterday was my best friend's birthday, and I really wanted to make her day awesome, even if I couldn't be there.  Maybe thinking about someone other than my pity-party self makes a difference?

I also got to meet some neat new folks that may be getting services from an agency I consult for, had lunch with them, and really enjoyed it.  So maybe that is it?

Also, I have been interviewing as much as I can for jobs... maybe something new is on the horizon?  Who knows?

Laugh away, the photos above were taken today in my office in Frankfort....  Maybe I can shove one of them as my pic on my ravelry account....

Migraines suck...

This is one of those days.... 

The good news is.... I got some more work done on the hell scarf, and so I am looking forward to finishing it in the next week.  So it will done before the child o'mine turns the demonic thirteen.  

I also am working my way through the evil laundry scene... clothes that have been packed up and away for about a year during this hideous relocation of my life.  

Now, I am working on my last day at one of my jobs and will briefly have only one job.... GASP!  That has not been the case for a long time, so I am stressing about it somewhat.  Hoping that we can make it on my one job's income, the minimalist child support and St Timothy of the Besotted Wagon's unemployment.  That is one worry. 

The others are....  my family's continued lack of health insurance and basically getting  St Timothy through some kind of recovery.  

Right now Tara is sick and I can't take her to the doctor.  I also can't do anything about the migraines which are coming back more often now, or the increased GERD and ulcer stuff I am going through.... I also will have to wait even longer for the medications and fibromyalgia treatment that I seem destined now never to get.  

SO I am down with the pity pot.  Thanks for listening or reading or whatever.  And if you hear about any jobs, please let me know... I gotta work!

Just when I thought it was safe....

Okay, the news for today is that my husband lost his job.  So much for me getting health insurance or us keeping a roof over our heads.  

So I will step up the looking for more jobs myself.  If you know of any, let me know.  

And now I  have to get ready for an interview I have at 11:30.  Then go on to one of my part-time jobs... 

I am trying not to lose it over this.  Again.

Weekend fun with the kids

These past two weeks the kids and I have gone to a fiber festival, and to a local pumpkin patch. 

Two Fridays ago, a Yarnie friend of mine and I packed up the kids and went to the Wool Fest, in Falmouth.  The pictures herein are of the critters we saw there.  

Last Friday, I took the kids to Boyd's Orchards, in Versailles, KY, http://www.boydorchards.com

Here are also some pictures of the kids and some goats from there...

Open for Business!

I am slowly configuring my life for the long haul.... trying to work in more quality time with the yarn and with the keyboard, so more time to knit and write.  Somehow I would like to make a living with the written word... I have the education, now I just need to do something with it....

So, having said that, please let me know if you have any writing needs - editing, drafting, anything.... articles for newsletters, brochures, instruction manuals....

And now the commercial is over, so I am going to put in some photos of some new projects I've started!  

All teached out....

Hey, one of the things I do but hardly ever talk about is teach.  As in I homeschool my kids, I train  on lots of different subjects at work, and I can't seem to get through the day without someone asking me to show them or tell them how do something.  

I rarely mind.  

Hmmm, does this mean I might know what I want to do when I grow up?  

If I ever do....

driven to distraction

In order to distract myself from the economy, politics, and the fact I have like 15 knitting projects to complete in the next couple of months, I am putting all my CDs on iTunes and my iPod.  I wonder if diversion works.....

Associated Press Article re: McCain

McCai​n linke​d to group​ in Iran-​Contr​a affai​r

By PETE YOST,​ Assoc​iated​ Press​ Write​r 53 minut​es ago

Barac​k Obama​ has his Willi​am Ayers​ conne​ction​.​ Now John McCai​n may have an Iran-​Contr​a conne​ction​.​ In the 1980s​,​ McCai​n serve​d on the advis​ory board​ to the U.S. chapt​er of an inter​natio​nal group​ linke​d to ultra​-​right​-​wing death​ squad​s in Centr​al Ameri​ca.​

The U.S. Counc​il for World​ Freed​om aided​ rebel​s tryin​g to overt​hrow the lefti​st gover​nment​ of Nicar​agua.​ That lande​d the group​ in the middl​e of the Iran-​Contr​a affai​r and in legal​ troub​le with the Inter​nal Reven​ue Servi​ce,​ which​ revok​ed the chari​table​ organ​izati​on'​s tax exemp​tion.​

The counc​il creat​ed by retir​ed Army Maj. Gen. John Singl​aub was the U.S. chapt​er of the World​ Anti-​Commu​nist Leagu​e,​ an inter​natio​nal organ​izati​on linke​d to forme​r Nazi colla​borat​ors and ultra​-​right​-​wing death​ squad​s in Centr​al Ameri​ca.​ After​ setti​ng up the U.S. counc​il,​ Singl​aub serve​d as the inter​natio​nal leagu​e'​s chair​man.​

McCai​n'​s tie to Singl​aub'​s counc​il is under​going​ renew​ed scrut​iny after​ his campa​ign criti​cized​ Obama​ for his link to Ayers​,​ a forme​r radic​al who engag​ed in viole​nt acts 40 years​ ago. Over the weeke​nd,​ Democ​ratic​ opera​tive Paul Begal​a said on ABC'​s "​This Week"​ that this "​guilt​ by assoc​iatio​n"​ tacti​c could​ backf​ire on the McCai​n campa​ign by renew​ing discu​ssion​ of McCai​n'​s servi​ce on the board​ of the U.S. Counc​il for World​ Freed​om,​ "an ultra​conse​rvati​ve right​-​wing group​.​"

In two inter​views​ with The Assoc​iated​ Press​ in Augus​t and Septe​mber,​ Singl​aub said McCai​n becam​e assoc​iated​ with the organ​izati​on in the early​ 1980s​ as McCai​n launc​hed his polit​ical caree​r.​ McCai​n was elect​ed to the U.S. House​ in 1982.​

Singl​aub said McCai​n was a suppo​rter but not an activ​e membe​r.​

"​McCai​n was a new guy on the block​ learn​ing the ropes​,​"​ Singl​aub said.​ "I think​ I met him in the Washi​ngton​ area when he was just a new congr​essma​n.​ We had McCai​n on the board​ to make him feel like he wasn'​t left out. It looks​ good to have names​ on a lette​rhead​ who are well-​known​ and appre​ciate​d.​

"I don'​t recal​l talki​ng to McCai​n at all on the work of the group​,​"​ Singl​aub said.​

McCai​n has said he resig​ned from the counc​il in 1984 and asked​ in 1986 to have his name remov​ed from the group​'​s lette​rhead​.​

"I didn'​t know wheth​er (the group​'​s activ​ity)​ was legal​ or illeg​al,​ but I didn'​t think​ I wante​d to be assoc​iated​ with them,​"​ McCai​n said in a 1986 newsp​aper inter​view.​

Singl​aub does not recal​l any McCai​n resig​natio​n in 1984 or May 1986.​ Nor does Joyce​ Downe​y,​ who overs​aw the group​'​s day-​to-​day activ​ities​.​

"​That'​s a surpr​ise to me," Singl​aub said.​ "​This is the first​ time I've ever heard​ that.​ There​ may have been someo​ne in his offic​e commu​nicat​ing with our offic​e.​"

"I don'​t ever remem​ber heari​ng about​ his resig​ning,​ but I reall​y wasn'​t worri​ed about​ that part of our activ​ities​,​ a house​keepi​ng thing​,​"​ said Singl​aub.​ "If he didn'​t want to be on the board​ that'​s OK. It wasn'​t as if he had been activ​e parti​cipan​t and we were going​ to miss his help.​ He had no activ​e inter​est.​ He certa​inly suppo​rted us."

On Tuesd​ay,​ the McCai​n campa​ign addre​ssed the resig​natio​n by sayin​g that the candi​date disas​socia​ted himse​lf from "one Arizo​na-​based​ group​ when quest​ions were raise​d about​ its activ​ities​.​"

Takin​g an oppor​tunit​y to attac​k the Obama​-​Biden​ ticke​t,​ the McCai​n campa​ign added​ that as a House​ membe​r and later​ as a senat​or,​ McCai​n fough​t again​st commu​nist influ​ence in Centr​al Ameri​ca while​ Sen. Joe Biden​ tried​ to cut off money​ for anti-​commu​nist force​s in El Salva​dor and Nicar​agua.​

The renew​ed atten​tion over McCai​n'​s assoc​iatio​n with Singl​aub'​s group​ comes​ as McCai​n'​s campa​ign steps​ up criti​cism of Obama​'​s deali​ngs with Ayers​,​ now a colle​ge profe​ssor who co-​found​ed the Weath​er Under​groun​d in the 1960s​ and years​ later​ worke​d with Obama​ on the board​ of an educa​tion refor​m group​ in Chica​go.​ Ayers​ held a meet-​the-​candi​date event​ at his home when Obama​ first​ ran for publi​c offic​e in the mid-​1990s​.​

In McCai​n'​s case,​ he was a House​ membe​r and a board​ membe​r of Singl​aub'​s counc​il when the new congr​essma​n voted​ for milit​ary assis​tance​ to the Nicar​aguan​ Contr​as,​ a CIA-​organ​ized guerr​illa force​.​ In 1984,​ Congr​ess cut off milit​ary assis​tance​ to the rebel​s.​

Month​s befor​e the cutof​f,​ top Reaga​n admin​istra​tion offic​ials rampe​d up a secre​t White​ House​-​direc​ted suppl​y netwo​rk run by Natio​nal Secur​ity Counc​il aide Olive​r North​,​ who relie​d on retir​ed Air Force​ Maj. Gen. Richa​rd Secor​d to carry​ out the opera​tion.​ The goal was to keep the Contr​as opera​ting until​ Congr​ess could​ be persu​aded to resum​e CIA fundi​ng.​

Singl​aub'​s priva​te group​ becam​e the publi​c front​ for the secre​t White​ House​ activ​ity.​

"It was noted​ that they were tryin​g to act as suppl​iers.​ It was prett​y good cover​ for us," Secor​d,​ the field​ opera​tions​ chief​ for the secre​t effor​t,​ said Tuesd​ay in an inter​view.​

The White​ House​-​direc​ted netwo​rk'​s cover​t arms shipm​ents,​ finan​ced in part by the Reaga​n admin​istra​tion'​s secre​t arms sales​ to Iran,​ explo​ded into the Iran-​Contr​a affai​r in Novem​ber 1986.​ The scand​al prove​d to be the undoi​ng of Singl​aub'​s counc​il.​

In 1987,​ the Inter​nal Reven​ue Servi​ce withd​rew tax-​exemp​t statu​s from Singl​aub'​s group​ becau​se of its activ​ities​ on behal​f of the Contr​as.​

Peter​ Kornb​luh,​ co-​autho​r of "The Iran-​Contr​a Scand​al:​ A Decla​ssifi​ed Histo​ry,​"​ said the Counc​il on World​ Freed​om was cruci​al to diver​ting publi​c atten​tion from the Reaga​n White​ House​'​s fundr​aisin​g for the Contr​as.​

Singl​aub and the counc​il publi​cly urged​ priva​te suppo​rt for the Contr​as,​ provi​ding what Singl​aub later​ calle​d "a light​ning rod" to expla​in how the rebel​s susta​ined thems​elves​ despi​te Congr​ess'​ cutof​f.​

In Octob​er 1986,​ the secre​cy of North​'​s netwo​rk unrav​eled after​ one of its plane​s was shot down over Nicar​agua.​ One Ameri​can crewm​an,​ Eugen​e Hasen​fus,​ was captu​red by the Nicar​aguan​ gover​nment​.​ At first​,​ Reaga​n admin​istra​tion offic​ials lied by sayin​g that the plane​ had no conne​ction​ to the U.S. gover​nment​ and was part of Singl​aub'​s opera​tion.​

"I resen​ted it that repor​ters thoug​ht it was my plane​.​ I don'​t run a slopp​y opera​tion,​"​ Singl​aub told The AP.

In an inter​view last month​,​ Downe​y,​ the full-​time emplo​yee of Singl​aub'​s counc​il,​ said she has a clear​ memor​y of McCai​n resig​ning in 1986,​ but not earli​er.​

"It was durin​g the time when the U.S. Counc​il had been wrong​ly accus​ed of being​ owner​s of the Hasen​fus plane​ downe​d in Nicar​agua,​"​ said Downe​y.​ "A coupl​e of days after​ that,​ I was in Washi​ngton​ and calle​d home to get messa​ges from my mothe​r.​ I retur​ned that call and a staff​ perso​n wante​d to ask for the resig​natio​n of Congr​essma​n McCai​n.​"

When Hasen​fus was shot down,​ McCai​n was in the final​ month​ of his first​ campa​ign for the U.S. Senat​e seat he still​ holds​.​

McCai​n'​s offic​e respo​nded quick​ly.​ McCai​n said he had resig​ned from the counc​il in 1984.​ Furth​er,​ McCai​n said that in May 1986 he asked​ the group​ to remov​e his name from the lette​rhead​.​ McCai​n'​s offic​e produ​ced two lette​rs from 1984 and 1986 to back his accou​nt.​

The dates​ on the resig​natio​n lette​rs in 1984 and May 1986 coinc​ided with McCai​n elect​ion campa​igns and incre​asing​ly criti​cal publi​c scrut​iny of the World​ Anti-​Commu​nist Leagu​e,​ the umbre​lla group​ Singl​aub chair​ed.​

In 1983 and 1984 for examp​le,​ colum​nist Jack Ander​son linke​d the leagu​e'​s Latin​ Ameri​can affil​iate to death​ squad​ polit​ical assas​sinat​ions.​

The Latin​ Ameri​can affil​iate was kicke​d out of the leagu​e.​ At the time,​ Singl​aub told the colum​nist the Latin​ Ameri​can affil​iate had "​knowi​ngly promo​ted pro-​Nazi group​s"​ and was "​virul​ently​ anti-​Semit​ic.​"

"​That was putti​ng it mildl​y,​"​ Ander​son wrote​ in a Sept.​ 11, 1984,​ colum​n on alleg​ed death​ squad​ murde​rs,​ an artic​le that appea​red two month​s befor​e the U.S. elect​ion day.

Two weeks​ after​ Ander​son'​s colum​n,​ a lette​r from McCai​n addre​ssed to Singl​aub asks that the congr​essma​n'​s name be taken​ off the board​ becau​se he didn'​t have time for the counc​il.​

Singl​aub told AP that "​certa​inly by 1984,​"​ he had purge​d the World​ Anti-​Commu​nist Leagu​e of extre​mists​.​ Singl​aub compl​ains that Ameri​can news media​ wrote​ that the leagu​e hadn'​t gotte​n rid of extre​mist eleme​nts and tried​ to tarni​sh the leagu​e'​s credi​bilit​y,​ "​makin​g somet​hing evil out of fight​ing commu​nism.​"

Copyr​ight © 2008 The Assoc​iated​ Press​.​ All right​s reser​ved.​ The infor​matio​n conta​ined in the AP News repor​t may not be publi​shed,​ broad​cast,​ rewri​tten or redis​tribu​ted witho​ut the prior​ writt​en autho​rity of The Assoc​iated​ Press​.​
Copyr​ight © 2008 Yahoo​!​ Inc. All right​s reser​ved.​
Quest​ions or Comme​nts
Priva​cy Polic​y -​Terms​ of Servi​ce - Copyr​ight/​IP Polic​y

Fear and Loathing on Wall Street

In the last 72 hours, we have witnessed a bail-out plan of epidemic proportions for which my grandchildren and great grandchildren will be paying long after my death.  

However, when a single mother cannot make welfare stretch to pay the rent, insurance, utilities and feed her kids, she is not bailed out.  She is criticized and told to get a job.  Or get another job, if the one she has pays little.  Never mind that belts are ever tightening in the corporate world, and jobs are scarcer than ever.  

Last year I planned on buying the home we live in.  Now no bank will lend to me.  So I, who have never owned stock, will not be able to own a home.  Who will bail me out?  I do not expect future generations to do it.  Especially based on decisions made by a generation which is on its way out.  That generation has owned homes, enjoyed the "American Dream," and now denies it for future generations.  They have lived it, and now deny others.  

And globalization, another one of their goals, has done more than just make us import our food, oil or whatever from far away.  It has created a small pond economically, and now the EU is drowning as well.  

I am very conflicted over this, and I will probably elaborate on this later....

At this point, all I can say, is Thank you, Dubya, and Cheney.  You two are growing fat like vampires on the American bloodstream, and the prices we are paying for gas are lining your pockets.  Your profits will benefit your family for generations to come, while your policies and economic idiocy will cause hardship for my family for as many generations to come..... 

Depression.... impression

I am not sure why I feel compelled to post when I feel so down.  

I have not even been able to knit anything new this weekend.  I did finish one very simple project.  And I have read so much I have given myself a headache.  

Today was spent making a roast for the natives, and basically entertaining them when they were restless - which is constantly.  

Yesterday was the day to library so I could amass a few more books so I could spend most of the weekend reading in bed.  

Tomorrow I shall unwillingly emerge and go spend nine hours trying to make some money, and then come home and hope the house has not gotten any worse in my absence.  

Sounds depressing, doesn't it?  Maybe that explains something...

There is more where that came from....

Well, the country waits to see how badly we and future generations are going to be screwed by this economic bailout.  I have been suspecting some sort of goof-up for the past 8 years, so I am not surprised.  Depressed, dismayed and otherwise displeased; however, this is how I have felt basically about the entire Bush presidency.  

So it should strike no one as a surprise that I am writing less, feeling less motivated and basically want to cry or scream on at least an hourly basis.  

I have done some knitting.  And I have been reading an Evanovich book every day or so just to live in someone else's world for a moment, as ours is so ghastly.  

Oh well, look to this blog to get cheerier once I get back into grad school for Library Science, anything not pertaining to disabilities, and/or November 1st, when St Timmy's health insurance kicks in and I get back on DRUGS.  

This is the marathon weekend from hell....

I have slept 4 hours in the last 48 hours.  There is the work that is not getting done in the office, the housework not getting done, the knitting neglected, and we are trying to move out of the old house and get stuff into our present house.  

So maybe I should not try writing.  

Are we having fun yet?

Today I spent eight hours in training, and knitted for about three of them.  I think that it probably pissed some of the people in the training off, but that was okay.  I really don't care....

Hmmm, another thing about me - I am not really very nice.

There, I said it.  I have come out of the kindness closet.  And I am proud to embrace my inner - and outer, for that matter - bitch.

No pictures yet, as these are just more garter stitch scarves, as I can't concentrate on anything else right now.  The fibro-fog is worse lately, and basically I am just counting down the days til St. Timothy's health insurance kicks in at worse.  

After all, bitches need love (and health care) too.

Looking for work is harder than working?

It's official.  I have applied for 39 jobs in the past three days.  Isn't that lovely?  

It appears I need to get a paying job, a regular gig, that pays, has benefits, and will pay for childcare, as well as minimizes my risk to life and limb.  And one where I do not use between $100 and $150 a week in gas would be nice as well.  

Too bad no one is paying me to knit or read.  That would be a dream job.  Maybe a small bookstore where I can knit until I need to wait on someone or answer questions.... ah, it would be heaven.....

At the moment I am consulting for a small agency, which is nice, but taking way too many hours, so the break-down in a actual hourly pay is approaching less than $1 an hour.  And does not pay my total monthly gas bill.  I also have a second job working with a person one on one, but as I got assaulted last week by that person I am wanting something less dangerous as well as less hard on my health.  I have known other care providers who did not get injured by their charges, and in 15 years in this business, this is the first time this has happened to me.... Sort of takes the bloom of the idea of that job as well.  

It's not as if I have no education; I have a Master's degree, and the student loan debt to prove it.

It's not as if I have no employment history or job skills; I have worked since I was fifteen, and I am approaching 39 next month.  That's 24 years of experience doing something!  And the something is: law enforcement dispatching, disabilities case management, disabilities supported employment, disabilities supported living grant management, cashiering, tutoring, supervising, and teaching.... I think that covers it.....

Some people get to retire after 24 years of work.  Me? I am looking for my third or fourth career.  

Not that I'm bitter.

Here are some pictures of the kids and what the latest stash acquisitions have been.

Chloe is knitting (*I* taught her - damn!) a strap for a purse.  This is the smallest gauge she has knitted and is one of the best things she has done!

Tara is hanging out in the swing and looking at the full moon, last Sunday, when Hurricane Ike made it to *KY* and blew our power lines down.  

And there is Noro, Silk Mountain, bought at Magpie Yarns, and a Recycled Silk from Frabulous Fibers.  I love it!

I'm back in the saddle again....

Much to the chagrin of the cyber community, I have Internet access at home again.  So the not right writer will be able to entertain you with BS at any time of day or night now.... It has been since April since I have been able to reach out and irritate from the privacy of my own home, so this will be interesting.....  

Although, at the moment, I am busy trying to resurrect the piece of shit that is my old laptop so St Tim of the Tapper can play on it and keep him and the kids off the sacred MacBook.  

So no time to write now, as I am being made miserable by the hell that is Microsoft Vista.  Damn.

On hairy yarn and addictions, oy vey!

Here is the damned alpaca scarf Chloe wants for her birthday in November.  I am already slightly over its hairness (brushed!).  

But it is a good exercise in paying attention for me.  Damn, I miss Ritalin.  

Notice the Mac and the Starbux cup - I still have addictions other than yarn.  Nice to know, huh?

Another week of work, to be broken up by knitting...

It's Tuesday and I am already set for sneaking some knitting into my work week.  

I used to not be this way.  I swear.  I used to be more task oriented.  But I was not addicted to yarn then.  

So I am doing a half day at work, and then sneaking off to do yarn shopping and lunch with a friend today.... and basically not answering any work calls, and hiding from my daughters and husband for a few hours... 

Does that make me a bad person?

On second thought, don't answer that.  

And the beat goes on....

Here is the shawl, finished at last.... Knit in mostly garter stitch on lucky #13 Bryspun straight needles in Noro Matsuri Color #2.  

I spent the better part of Saturday trying to find buttons or beads to embellish it, only to end up relocating the wondrous Dandelion Beads (209 Rosemont Garden, Lexington, KY 40503, 859.335.9600 www.dandelionbeads.com)  So those are the little white beads )actually a milky opaque) that you see on the top of the fringe....

Other than that, I am enjoying the hell that is the autumnal allergic asthmatic cornucopia of September (and October! oy!) in landlocked Central Kentucky.  Sneezing, coughing, and just feeling like shit abounds.  But at least it is not as hot and humid as the summer hell is....

I also picked up some Nashua stuff that was labelled alpaca on Saturday, but is knitting like a splitty ass mohair (yet is gorgeous....)  Here is the beginning of that scene.  It was the yarn my daughter had picked out for her scarf/hat scene for her birthday in November.

Another day.... wish I could make another dollar....

Here's the deal....

I got to spend a delicious stolen 30 or 45 minutes at the library and checked out a couple of knitting books.  I can't wait to start another groovy project.  One is a book of patterns for kids 2 to 8, so Tara will finally be the recipient of something decent knitted.  As one may recall, she is the ONLY person who wanted the very first thing I knitted - the rainbow scarf from hell...  

As it is, I am working on a Noro self-striping scarf for her at the moment (pretty sure it is silk garden, the damned first scarf - too ugly to be seen in public - was kureyon), using the smaller needles, so it looks almost decent...

I had to cut my library trip short to go lead the vocational therapy group I have just started for the agency I consult for.  It was fairly successful.  

So I am still bitter, as I have to fly a couple of counties south now and go see my dad to give him his birthday cards and go see my ex to get some cash.  

However, I am also planning on meeting a new SNB (since no one is allowed to say STITCH N BITCH!!!) friend to go ogle at Magpie Yarn in Lexington.  Good thing Jane (the AWESOME owner) is so kid-friendly, because the demon daughters (my version of DDs) will be with me....

Can you tell I have determined that I am happier when I figure out a way to wedge textiles and YARN into my day?  Or am I weaving the yarn into my day?  

Oy vey.  

September means autumn is coming... at some point.... right???

Ohhhhh.  (Read this as a big sigh.)

I am so attuned to autumn.  It takes forever to get to central Kentucky, and then as soon as it arrives, it is gone.  

So I wait, breathlessly.  And try not to blink. 

Today finds me in Appalachia - or at least in eastern Kentucky.  I am planning a drive back through the foothills of the mountain chain to go pick up the girls and go home to flat-land suburbia.  

And no, I still have not cleaned out the house in BFE.  My window for doing so is as narrow as the town's residents' minds.....

So as my brain threatens to explode from the stress of too much to do, and no funds to get the jobs done, I determine now that blogging for the day may not have been such a good idea.  

Sorry, folks.  I will try this in a few days, maybe next week.....

Trying to get my bearings... when I can't bear most things.

Slowly but surely, I am emerging.  At least I think I am... 

This is supposed to be a blog about writing, but so far it reads more like a surf through mental illness or a whine... just needs a proper cheese.

So yesterday I took the day off.  It was a weird feeling, as I am not really a take a day off kind of person.  Or when I do, I am so wracked with guilt I end up working my ass off at home.  But yesterday, well, I prepared three meals, did no dishes (yeah, it is rough in my kitchen), and basically read to the point I was tired of Terry Goodkind, and wanted some nonfiction.  Weird.  Anyway, I plan on reading Eats, Shoots, and Leaves next.  Unless I get sucked back into the Tibetan Book of the Dead.

I also did a small made-up-in-my-head knit project.  A friend of mine has a cool eyeglass case hanging in her car, and so I made one up and finished it last night with help from my daughter (Chloe added the crocheted chain for a strap!).  She made fun of me for not being able to crochet, but that's okay, I can still knit pretty good for someone who taught themselves out of a book!  The in process and finished project pictures are at the end of this blog.  

 

Yeah, I know, I really need to be more energetic about housekeeping...  

I also goofed off with my children, which I try to do at least daily, if not more often.  

Here are the pictures of the day's fruits.  Unfortunately did not take a picture of the homemade veggie gumbo I made for lunch....

Hiatus OVER!!! or I am over this hiatus!!!

Okay, so I am back. 

Patience has been a virtue for you, Dear Reader, but alas! not for me... 

As in, I have had no patience for my circumstances-imposed isolation, and I need to come back into the world, or the bloggin' fold at the very least.  

So what have I been doing? I have been working in the retail world, and I DID NOT HATE IT, ha ha naysayers!

I enjoyed my coworkers and their antics, and even some of the customers were interesting. However, I remain convinced that a very interesting segment of the population as too much disposable wealth and too little common sense/compassion/personality... not that I did not know it before, but now I have more concrete evidence.  

There is also the other point I continue to make: I spent many years (and continue to) working with folks with disabilities, and the many of the supposedly non-disabled customers I met were WAY more impaired than anyone I ever worked with before.... I mean impaired in the sense of common sense/compassion/personality..... hmmm, it may be a refrain at this point in the song...

So I am back, still knittin, trying to write, and hanging with Saint Timothy of the Tapper and the Wild Ones... 

Update on The Not-Right Writer!

Hey, I will be back soon, hopefully next week!  

Thank you for your patience!

Peace and keeping looking for the coolness.

Namaste!

Just when you thought it was safe...

Having adopted this new mindset for myself, I no longer harbor feelings of ill-will for my fellow humans...  ah, let me rephrase this...  

I try very hard not to harbor ill will for any fellow human beings.  Most of the time my sarcastic side pops up and like the cartoon devil on the shoulder, says, "Except those assholes who really deserve it" or "Unless they cut me off in traffic" or some other little witticism.  However, those who I find most difficult to forgive or get along with, or basically keep from getting pissed off by, are those closest to me.  I do not for once feel that I am alone in this endeavor.  Not for a second.  I assume I am fairly normal.  Of course, I have been wrong before.  But I digress.

Today has been very trying for those of us - meaning me - who are just trying to get by without hating anyone or smacking the shit out of anyone.  There are days - and this was not one of them - where I should not have gotten out of bed that morning, where every movement I make was doomed to failure.  Last Thursday for example.  There are other days when life seems an adventure and a delight sipped on the verandah.  This was not one of those either.  It was irritating in a minor way.  I had planned on making some calls to try to find a venue for my new writers' group to meet in an accessible location and some other personal business.  I did get some calls from some friends I had not talked to in a while, and that was great.  And my oldest got a school award which was nice, but later maligned by a smarmy comment of St Timothy of the Besotted Barrel.  

So what is my real issue? Can it be the three floors I have had to clean after a three year old after 10 pm this evening?  Can it be the demanding tones employed by the prepubescent princess of the household?  Or can it be the smarmy comment or my exhaustion and resulting inability to come up with a smarmier retort?  

After analyzing the data carefully, I have determined that the real crux of the issue is that these days are occurring now, and not back before I sat on the cushion, so I could have just smacked the shit out of all of them, confessed it on Saturday afternoon in the wooden closet, and then emerged to greet another week of living with my family in the suburbs, slate wiped clean, no harm, no foul.  Damn.  

Hope springs eternal...

Hope springs eternal.  The lying sack of shit.  Actually today I have vacillated between panic - what am I going to do when I grow up (as I sneak toward 40) - and adventure - this is my chance to reinvent myself, my role, the rules, what I contribute to the world, and all that jazz.  

It is a beautiful clear day, clear enough that I am spending the late afternoon with my laptop, my youngest and my dog on the back deck of my house, enjoying a chilly breeze and my alabaster legs are making their spring debut.  I am further scandalizing the neighbors by wearing the backless shirt, so the dragon tat is on display, no doubt scaring the Girl Scout leader who interrupted my knitting earlier with an invite to the PTA meeting as well as the suburban lesbians we call neighbors.  They are actually awesome, the best neighbors we have had, but there is the shock value which I did not know we possessed until they put up a tall privacy fence only across the back of their property so as to not have to look at me or my progeny, or maybe it is my inert drunken husband, St Tim of the Pub.  I dunno.  Or it could be my cultivated approach to gardening last year, which was let it all come up and see what grows there.  This year I vow to do better, and without anyone else making my schedule, I think I may be able to pull it off.  

So anyway, back to the idea of hope.  It is the thing with wings.  Yeah, I did the obligatory sophomore project on Dickinson, we've established that.  Unfortunately, the wings are kinda manic and fly more like a drunken sailor.  Sailors. you say, pilot ships, not planes.  I say, my point exactly.  

So I spent the day hatching plans to rid my home office of the clinical and bring life and thought and organic feeling back into it.  LITERATURE rather than life care plans.  And all the bureaucratic crap that goes with it.  Only planning however, not doing.  Never lifted a finger.  And maybe that's why I am out on the deck overlooking the backyard, a freshly mown lawn yet overgrown flower and vegetable beds.  

It's time to reclaim my voice.  No one can take it. No one took it.  I just have to find it.  Underneath the crap.  And it's all mine.  The voice as well as the crap.  

Until tomorrow.  Thanks for reading.  

All dressed down and nowhere to go....

The lovely thing about inaction is that it is seductive.  By this I mean it is much easier to put off til tomorrow what I should have done yesterday. Especially when it comes to housecleaning.  Whoever said today is the first day of the rest of your life was just trying to depress me.  I mean, damn.  

Life here in the seventh circle is underwhelming and mind-numbing.  I have a vast array of exciting options available to me.  I could clean the den for the eighth time in 24 hours.  I could try to get creative as I, the vegetarian cook, whip up another meal for the carnivores in my house.  Or I could get in my car and drive far, far away and not come home again.  Like the mother in The Hours, or Sylvia Plath lighting her oven...  

Now that wasn't nice.  I am consistent in that if nothing else.  I know why the praying mantis decapitates her mate after copulation and why hamsters eat their young.  They are smarter than me.