I am so blessed to be able to read the wondrous and wise things people have been posting as comments to my last post.
I was in a dark place, and still am, to a degree. But in the midst of this, I made some choices I want to share:
1. I put one foot in front of the other and walked about a block or so to my home group Al-Anon meeting. When asked for topic suggestions, I spoke up. I asked for "This too shall pass." (Imagine my surprise when more than one person commented with this slogan as well!)
2. To get to the meeting, I had to walk over a bridge. I did stop on the bridge, but I kept thinking about my 4 year old daughter's face, and I kept walking to the meeting.
3. I stayed after the meeting and talked to my co-sponsor. (I call her my co-sponsor because she is the second sponsor I have, my first lives in another county now [I moved] and this one lives closer and attends meetings that I do. My first sponsor's path and mine cross less and less since I moved.) Listening to her wisdom always helps. She is a down to earth and wonderful, wise woman.
4. I went to run errands with a friend after that. I did not go straight home.
5. When I got home the alcoholic was manic and drunk and making no sense. Instead of making excuses for him in front of the guest that was there, I asked him what he meant. When he could not make sense, I told him that he was not making sense and does not make sense to me when he is drunk, so I would need to talk to him tomorrow when he sobers up. I did not engage further.
6. Earlier today I got a book by Dr Wayne Dyer - and then the wise, wondrous and loving Ms Hen asks me if I know Dr Dyer. I picked up "Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life" at lunch today.
7. I called and set up a mental health appointment for myself on the 9th of this month. I don't have health insurance, or much money, but this is another part of my recovery that I have to take care of. This is part of the taking care of myself that I can't ignore anymore.
So, this is my long-winded and winding THANK YOU and BLESS YOU to everyone who cared enough to read, and everyone who cared enough to comment.
I am no stranger to this hideous disease called depression. I have walked into this neighborhood more than once, and still it scares me to death.
Thanks for helping me see I am not alone.