Today was another one of those days where I gave my all, and it was not good enough.
Instead of feeling inadequate however, it afforded me several conclusions:
1. I work harder than anyone I ever met.
2. That work is not worth my life.
3. I no longer am willing to make this trade.
So I came home. I am going to ignore my phone tomorrow and take my first day off since October. If there are any emergencies, someone else is going to have to handle it. Life can go on without me.
And if I don't stop letting myself get stressed out with all this drama, created by others, it will have to go on without me permanently.
So I came home around 9pm from work. And proceeded to have what felt almost like an anxiety attack. And then I put on a nightgown, took my anxiety medication (which I have hoarded from last year when I had insurance coverage), and proceeded to watch a Harry Potter movie. Now I'm in bed on the laptop.
It's time to reassert my boundaries. And stick to them.
It's time to try to save my life.
Before it's not worth saving.