Gratitude for Wednesday

Today I am grateful for the following:

1. That my children are healthy and happy and both with me. I am able to spend lots of time with my 4 year old daughter for a mother who works 7 days a week. I am able to take her with me alot when I work, and I don't have to have daycare.

2. That I have a job. My job is hectic and sometimes tedious, but what I do makes a difference in people's lives, and I am in the position to advocate for people who cannot speak for themselves, and I help others advocate for themselves.

3. That my dog is here when I get home, to give me unconditional love.

4. That we have food to eat and the Internet to communicate on.

5. That I have a few good friends who genuinely care about me.

6. That I am learning to look at the positive parts of my life.

7. That I am open to learning new things even though I will be the BIG 4-0 next month.

8. That I still have a sense of humor about turning the big 4-0...

9. That I have a stack of great books to read by my bed!

10. That Tim is cooking dinner tonight.

Thanks for reading. I invite you to add more blessings - yours or mine, they become ours! - in the comments.

Migraine

I want to write about migraines. I have one.

It started like any other headache, waking me up with a hint of a sore neck. At first I thought it was merely painful because I had been joined at the midpoint of my slumber by the ever-stretchy Tara, a four year old who can take an entire queen size bed for her domain. Alas, it moved into my forehead, spanning the bridge of my nose with its tentacles of discomfort. I fought back with the wondrous neti pot and was lulled into complacency by the slight disentanglement of one tentacle.

By lunch I was ready to chew my own limbs from their sockets like so much sinewy jerky. I met a friend for lunch and was pleasantly surprised in the middle of inhaling my salad that I only had the sensitive aura left of my headache left clinging to my left temple.

This ended up being a dastardly trick, and I am shamed to admit I fell for it like a dot com stock. By this afternoon I was driving into the sun and my eyes were glazed with pinpoints of fire. I drove Chloe to her school chorus concert and resolved to brave the storm within my brain. Afterwards I went to an Al-Anon meeting and was able to focus on the meeting - and welcome a newcomer - without falling out of my chair.

Home now. Each beam of light and each sound is piercing my being like nettles or swords. And I am in bed with a brain buzzing that will not let me sleep.

I read somewhere that migraineurs (i.e., people who have migraines) are more likely to commit suicide. This does not surprise me. Chronic pain does make one look for a way out. I've also read that we have a higher rate of depression. I'll buy that.

So I am going to stop with the computer tonight, and sleep. If my mind will let me. And wake up again, for tomorrow is another day.

Finally finished the Palahnuik I was reading...

Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk

My rating: 2 of 5 stars So far I am not digging it. Palahniuk is a fine writer, and this is well written. And thought provoking in it pointing out of absurdities. But I am just not digging it. Still, it's good enough to finish. And maybe my overall impression will be different. A week later: I am still slogging through this. It's almost like I am forcing myself to read it, and it's basically an exercise in endurance at this point. I *will* finish this, as I have liked his other work to commit to it, but this one is leaving me cold. The anthropological voice of shock value/novelty is just not compelling enough to draw me in. FINALLY I finished this book. I would have given it one star if it hadn't (like all Palahniuk works) made me pause and think at several parts of the book. Overall, I was not taken in by the autocratic fractured English of the first person narrator. I was impressed that he was able to keep it fairly consistent throughout. In summary, if you REALLLLLY like Palahniuk you should read this. Especially if you are one of those readers who likes to read the canon of each favored author. It's as good as Snuff, nowhere near as good as Stranger than Fiction. View all my reviews >>

New readings

Right now I am enjoying an abundance of wonderful new reading possibilities.

First, there is the wondrous Paul Sawyier Public Library, my book home away from home. The staff is just the right combination of friendly and yet-not-snoopy, and I am also a friend of the library. It is about 2 blocks away from my office and that thrills me to no end as well.

I also am picking up free or almost-free paranormal books to read. They end up being just brain candy for me to relax with, but this is IMPORTANT to have an outlet here as well.

And I now have two of the Abraham-Hicks books, The Law of Attraction and Ask and It Is Given. Check out their work at their interactive website.

Those of you who have been following me for a while know that I am trying to concentrate on and enjoy abundance in my life. No, I am not perfect yet, but I am doing better each day in enjoying what I have and making myself receptive to what is out there in store for me. This has been a psychic and psychological stretch for me, but I am glad to be making it. I think at this time in my life I am finally poised to make it, and I have evolved enough to take that leap of faith - no, certainty! that life has much more and better to offer me as I try to do the next right thing and keep my priorities and heart in the right place.

I have not been going to meetings lately, and I want to remedy that this week. Tomorrow my older daughter and I are planning on making a new meeting in Lexington. This one has two separate meetings (actually three - there is a men's group as well) and she can attend Alateen while I can attend an Al-Anon meeting that does speaker and step meetings on the 1st and 2nd Sundays of the month. I really feel I need to include Al-Anon back in my life. It is a part of what led me to be able to be strong enough to believe in abundance.

I've also been working a crazy amount. I love my work, and so that makes me happy. But there is so much, and the only time I feel I can really accomplish the paperwork end of things is when I am in the office by myself, and this can only occur on the weekends. Right now Tim is working the 1st shift in one of our houses on Saturdays and Sundays and so I can work after I drop him off, and that lets me get things accomplished. I am going to state when I need uninterrupted time so I can work in peace in my office. I am also going to exercise my right to close my office door.

Also this weekend, to come back full circle to the reading topic, I am going to read some works on time management and prioritizing tasks in business to see if there is some other wisdom out there I can use.

Tonight I go meet my dad and his new girlfriend and go out to dinner with Tim and the kids. It should be fun.

Well, dear readers, enjoy the rest of your weekend. It is cool and rainy here in the capital of Kentucky, but a fabulous day.

Recommendation

Go over to my list of blogs on the sidebar and visit The Rag Blog and check out the last entry, on the Gift Economy. I love this concept, it has always worked in the small ways of my life. I was wondering: how would this look applied to the US Health Care Crisis at present?

Sammy

Sammy was the 14 year companion of my best friend. He vacationed at my house, spending time with my dog-son, Kruzer. Thank you all for your heart-felt wishes, I will pass them on to his owner, Barb, my friend of the last 6 or so years.

RIP Sammy P. Hansen, Faithful DoggyFriend

Today a very beautiful and gentle good friend passed away. He will be missed. He will always be loved.

Another fun day at work

I went to work today and was pleasantly surprised when I got a new computer! It is not a Mac - but then, I already use a MacBook at home and LOOOVE it - but it has a wide flat screen, and some good audio.... I really like it and can't wait until I am able to take an ethernet cable in there and hook up the Internet.

Also had a great lunch at Frankfort's best Mexican restaurant, which I discovered last week when my friend met me there. Great queso, which always makes me happy. And the simplest meal there is just fabulous. I wish I could remember the name.....

Too tired to write any more than this.... promise to do better tomorrow.

Pygmy by Chuck Palahniuk

So far I am not digging it. Palahniuk is a fine writer, and this is well written. And thought provoking in it pointing out of absurdities. But I am just not digging it. Still, it's good enough to finish. And maybe my overall impression will be different. View all my reviews >>

Reading and thinking about writing...

Today I continue to mull over the idea:

What you think about, you bring about.

This is the acronym for a group I have recently joined and it is no less true than when the Buddha uttered it centuries ago.

And what I am thinking about is my identity as a writer.

I have often used this forum to bemoan the fact that I am not recently published, or that I am not working on the next Great American Novel. But what I have failed to acknowledge in my whining rants is the fact that I WRITE DAILY. Writing is a very integral part of my work, and it is something that I do well, and am acknowledged for in my field. I am asked to write by people at work for work related things, and I do it well. For example, tonight I sat down and in a manner of less than 15 minutes I wrote a scheduled curriculum for an adult day training program for developmentally disabled adults. And I have been asked to develop a program manual for another program. This is something I see a definite need for, and it is a cause/issue which is near and dear to my heart.

So today's affirmation is:

I feel gratitude for the wisdom that guides my life in the best and truest ways!

More to come later. I have some writing to do.

Hump Day!!!

Today was one of those days that I look back on with gratitude because I got so much done at work. If I have one or two days more like this, I will be in great shape!

Tonight I am wondering what to make for dinner. I am feeling more like relaxing than cooking.

So I am going to make this short.

Today's affirmation is:

My body is caring for me and healing every day.

Another day, Another step in the journey

Today I got the opportunity to practice another part of my journey - being positive in my relationships with others. This morning St Timothy got up and was angry at the world, me especially, because he had to get up and go to work. He stood in the kitchen and yelled for no apparent reason as he was grinding his coffee beans for coffee before we left. So I stood in the kitchen behind him, and thought, I love him and I am glad he has coffee beans to grind - his coffee will be awesome. Then I started talking to him about some cappuccino I bought and he totally redirected himself and started being pleasant. Later he said he wants to get started tomorrow at 8am for work. So it works!!!

Today's affirmation is along those lines:

I love myself unconditionally. I can do this for myself.

This refers to the fact we can be our own sources for happiness. No one else should have to fulfill this role for us. In fact, we should defend our right to be our own source of happiness. It's when we look outside ourselves for this that we are building our foundations on uncertainty.

This afternoon I am work in the office, after spending the morning running around doing errands and getting paint for the big residential project at work. It will continue to go well, and be more fabulous than anyone can guess!

I also am getting my things aligned at work. I brought in some things from my home office and that is helping me feel more at home. I look forward to getting my to-do list completed and enjoying some new business here.

Feel Good. And better.

Burning Up!

Today I am afire with the positive feedback I have been getting from the Universe today. I continue to put the principles I have learned from many sources together, and I am amazed and happy with the results!

Today's affirmation:

I love and am loved unconditionally and eternally.

I hope this helps you through your day like it helped me throughout mine.

Today was a field test for my healing new habits. I woke up in a fairly good mood and greeted my dog, Kruzer, a lab mix mutt, who always wants to give me love and affection in the mornings. I took him out for a moment, and then we came back in and he got a treat. Since I was not scheduled to work today, I got back in bed, snuggled and kissed a sleeping St Timothy, and started reading The Watchmen (the graphic novel I am currently reading). It was getting better and better and I am so pleased that I cannot predict what is going to happen next. But the phone rang and the client appointment that I was supposed to have at 6PM was moved to "as soon as I can possibly physically get there." I got up and took a shower and got ready to leave. St Timothy tried to fix the tire that went flat on Friday, but he was unable to do so. So I called my boss, who lent me his car to go get our client. Then I took care of that appointment and was able to have a good, positive meeting with my client and her family. I was able to provide them with some ideas and family counseling that I think may really help them. Everyone was much happier after I left. I went to return my boss's car to him, and my friend told me she would lend me the money to replace the tire until Friday, when I get paid. So we dropped my car off, and she even took me to lunch. I ran some work errands with her afterwards, and we had a good time and got things done, and we were both happier for it.

Tonight I was going to an Al-Anon meeting, but ending up staying home to cook supper instead. In the oven I have roast chicken, and I am making garlic lima beans and fettuccine to go with it. I love to cook, and I especially love to get creative and make something new and tasty out of seemingly disparate ingredients. I love surprising people. It makes me very happy to feed people who are hungry and enjoy eating.

So I was not perfectly positive all day, BUT I continually redirected myself to look at positive feelings and dwell on feeling good. Like Rhonda Byrne says in The Secret, "Feel good." I even followed Louise Hays' teaching and SMILED at myself in the mirror, instead of what I have done in the past, scowling and grabbing my stomach roughly as I criticized myself. Today I smiled, and I thought I AM LOVED AND I LOVE UNCONDITIONALLY AND ETERNALLY. I reminded myself that LOVE is ENERGY.

So, my journey continues. Thank you for being a part of it. Thank you for coming along. Feel Good. Because YOU are LOVED.

Taking the labor out of labor day....

This weekend I have worked, up until this morning... And after I picked up St Timothy from his 16 hour shift at 8am, we had breakfast, came home and crashed. He's still sleeping, the kids are playing and leaving us both alone, and it has been a nice day. I've been in bed, napping and reading. Finished two graphic novels and hope to finish a third this afternoon.

At the moment I am all about reading, not so much about writing. It's like I just want to soak some more stuff in rather than develop my own thing.... Went to the library yesterday and checked out nine books and two movies, and so I felt like I was set up for a treat. Last night I watched one of the DVDs, the movie of Louise Hay's "You Can Heal Your Life." It was wonderful, a tingly experience. I really admire her and her work. And it's good information, real cognitive therapy, and makes alot of sense. So now I am employing some of her affirmations, along with my own I have been using for a few weeks now....

I decided I would put a couple of my own on the blog now and again, since they are helping me and I won't have to worry about any copyright infringement - they came out of my own head, after all....

Everything is happening in my life for my best life.

That's okay. I'm okay. It's all okay.

And my favorite:

I trust my body to do what I need and love to do.

I figure that even on the days I am too hurried to post some ruminations on here, I can always put an affirmation or two. AND that will be out there to HELP OTHERS. AND it will HELP ME by allowing me to be positive and put that positivity in play and practice.

Thanks for hearing me, dear readers. Please let me know how I can HELP ME BY HELPING YOU. I love hearing from you. We are so not alone.

Stepping out

Tonight I made a big step on faith and did something I never do. I signed up to be an affiliate with TriVita, a company whose products have made a big difference in my life in the past two months. If you are interested in how I have reduced the pain from my fibromyalgia, reduced the number of migraines I have, and gotten more energy to try to be super-woman (like all women I know are expected to be), let me know via the comments section here, and I will see about sending you a free gift of health.

Now, I am stepping off my soapbox. I am very hesitant to talk about TriVita here, as this has been where I have exorcised many demons and dealt with both Al-anon and depression issues. But Nopalea has helped me so much, and made me feel like a survivor with joy. So please pardon my enthusiasm!

Life is pretty good. I am enjoying work, and it is really hectic right now. I am working on renovating the residential homes my company runs. I am also trying to organize my clients for a NAMI (National Alliance for Mental Illness, check them out at http://www.nami.org ) benefit walk. And of course, there are mountains of paperwork; I feel sorry for all the trees that have given their lives for my career.

Tara is growing by leaps and bounds. Every day she says something so wise or clever or unique; it is an experience watching her grow into a person and getting to know her. Last week she told me about a dream she had. She was a bee and she was flying around. She hit her head on a star and broke the star. I don't remember any dreams as cool as that. I always was jealous of people who have dreams of flying. It makes me think they are able to transcend something I am not. Whether that is true or not... maybe it's like lots of things I have envied in my life: once I get a taste of it, I realize I am not missing that much after all. Still, to be able to fly....

Chloe is doing so well in school. She has matured quite a bit, and she is on grade level - or above grade level, as in reading!!! like her mama - in every subject now. She looks forward to school every day, and comes home and appears happy. It does my heart good.

Tim is working and liking his job as a caregiver. His clients really like him, and he seems more involved with life in general. He looks forward to going to work, and does a great job with his people. I found a new Ken Goddard book for him this week at the library's used bookstore, so that was a score. He loves Ken Goddard, but most of Ken's books are out of print.

So all in all, things are better. We are still not financially where we need to be, or even okay in that department - but maybe the TriVita will help that area too. I don't want to become rich, I just want to be able to pay our bills and make sure the girls have what they need. We are making it, one day at a time. Thanks for reading.