Tuesday, February 24, 2009

A morning ruled by Tara

And I don't mean the female Buddha, the avatar of compassion. I mean the cute yet willful three year old that runs my world. And the world of those around her. She clings to my arm as I write this, in utter dismay because I am not surrendering the MacBook to her and her pbskids games.... I disappoint as a parent too, apparently.

Well, I am feeling both panic and more calm since I made the decision to take the job... Maybe I won't hate it as much as I think. It's not as if I haven't worked jobs I have hated for years. It is more what it represents, I think. A surrendering of dreams, of giving up what I want for what is needed by the passel of humans I live with. At times like these, my weirdness really comes out. I, for example, would be perfectly happy to work a job where little or no human contact is needed. Yet everything offered to me, everything I have a snowball's chance in hell of getting, is a human service type of job. I am wondering why - or even who - convinced me that I was a people person when I was getting my formal education. It was probably me. Damn. No one else to blame that one on.

Oh well, another day, another 50 cents. I have to work the Frankfort job today, and then try to get to a meeting at noon. At some point, I get to pass on the happy news to the job offer folks. And then I will have an idea how my life needs to shape up in the immediate future. As in, I will have to force myself to go to Lexington - a town I'd rather just shop in, never mind I was born and raised there - a minimum of five days per week.

This should be interesting.

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