Friday, March 5, 2010

One day at a time

Well, today was the last day of my work week. As I threatened last week, I am going to take a day or so off to get some counseling and hopefully get my mental health treatment back on track. And by "back on track" I mean to *begin.* I have been coached by my family of origin not to tell too much, or else I may be committed. And I have been the recipient of several guilt trips from my family over how I am abandoning them to seek help for myself. And of course, several people at work did their best to talk me out of taking a day off. Apparently the idea that I won't be around to listen to and solve all the crises is scaring the hell out of more than a few of them.

So when I think about one day at a time, I usually think in terms of just making it through whatever day I am stuck in. I spend the entire day running ragged, being called to this place/topic/crisis/task and that one, back and forth, and not really given time in between to complete anything. Then I get home, thinking, "At last this hideous day is over." And then I am so anxious about the idea of having to face another day, I can't get to sleep. And I wake up, stressed out and depressed at the idea of having to face another day of life. Naturally my thoughts turn to ending this cycle of samsara.

Well, I am literally too tired to think anymore. I may be out of blogland for a few days. Have a good weekend.

1 comment:

  1. You have to talk to someone about this. And get to meetings.. and see a doctor. HUGS. I'm going to prayer for you .. sweet woman. Take good care. Remember this too shall pass.. things have a way of getting easier over time too.