Today I am thinking about the concept of self care. I am overwhelmed with so many tiny little aspects of my life, and feel like I am losing my grip on my priorities, and sometimes even reality. I *KNOW* what "easy does it" means. Why is it so hard to put into practice???
Prior to the program, I created and fostered others' dependence on me because I thought that was the way to make people care about me. I thought I had to earn the love of others through working hard and getting them to like me. I thought if I took care of myself I would be selfish and uncaring. And I always had to be the best at whatever I did. If I was anything less than the best, I would not be worthy of anyone's love.
Now it's not like I have been blessed with an abundance of self esteem; quite the opposite. It's more like I am just too tired to try to excel at everything and take care of everyone else's problems. And there is a part of me that just cares a little less what others think about me anymore. It's not that I don't want people to like me. I am just learning that I can't control what others think about anything, including me.
Since I have stopped trying to be the perfect solution to everyone else, it appears others have not gotten the memo.
They still think I am supposed to fix or control things, that I am supposed to solve every issue or problem. It's exhausting.
So for tonight, I am taking deep breaths, trying to get some sleep, and not panic about everything that is crashing around me. That may be all I can do. And hopefully, it will be enough. For now.