Were entirely ready to have God remove these defects of character
Notice it *doesn't* say "I removed all these defects of character through my perfect strong will," OR "I am now without defects of character."
At this point all that is being asked is to be entirely ready.
From the Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous:
How It Works
We have emphasized willingness as being indispensable. Are we now ready to let God remove from us all the things which we have admitted are objectionable? Can He now take them all, everyone? If we still cling to something we will not let go, we ask God to help us be willing.
-A.A. Big Book p.76
Have the other Steps worn me out by this point? Maybe it's because I have been trying to do my Higher Power's part of the process as well. This is a Step that will stop me in the tracks if that is what I have been doing.
This Step doesn't ask me to do anything other than be honest with myself and my Higher Power (I call her HP for short.)
Am I entirely ready to let go of these defects of character?
My defects for the most part are linked either to my immaturity (spiritual and emotional) or to actual character strengths that I took waaayyy overboard and used to death, and now have manifested themselves into character defects that haunt me rather than coping mechanisms that help me.
Case in point: Being aware of what's going on became taking other's inventory, projecting catastrophe before it happens, nosiness, intrusiveness and overwhelming, overdeveloped responsibility. Being a person who does not drink became self-righteous indignation and judgemental-ness of anyone who dare take a drink, or take cold medicine to help them sleep.
(I became aware of this part last night at a meeting where several people who are stressed out by their lives with their alcoholics stated they wanted to go home and take cold medicine to sleep, and they did not have colds. I made a noise like I was going to put my two cents in there about that being medicating a problem, not unlike an alcoholic might do, BUT then I shut up. I am not living their lives, not walking in their shoes.)
What this Step asks of me is to be ready to let go of the barriers to my living a more balanced and healthy life. It doesn't say I have to do it in a day or a week or a month. It doesn't say *I* have to do it at all.
What it does say is that I need to be ENTIRELY READY for HP/GOD to do HIS/HER part.
All I have to do is let go.
I am so ready.
My best thinking, they say, got me here. If I am to get past "here," something better needs to happen to and for me. I have to have help.
And I accept the help because that's why I came.
Keep coming back.