Monday, June 29, 2009

Another day, another dollar.. or less

Lately I've been struggling with a bout of depression that is threatening to suffocate me. I have been isolating, helped in part by continuous car trouble and no money, and basically exhausted beyond belief. It takes everything I have to put in the minimal amount of social time - enough to get through at work without people thinking I am a total misanthrope - and no more. I can't face my Al-Anon friends or meetings or my sponsor; not because of anything they have or have not done, but because of my inability to speak about things that mean anything. Writing about it here is both easier and yet harder than anything I am attempting right now.
I am seeing a counselor and am going to look into pharmaceutical intervention, basically because this is persisting way longer than I can handle and is stronger than I am at the moment.
Discussing this with my family has been futile. I get the same tired response to "Snap out of it" or "why are you so depressed?" Never mind the fact that I have been this way for most of my life - as long as I have had memories, basically.

The next right thing?
Try to write.
Do my daily readings.
Talk to my *very* few friends who have travelled this road, and know what depression truly is.
And try to look through to the other side.

Thanks for listening/reading/being there.


  1. I'm here any time ya need me babe. I definitely know what it is like.

  2. I'm in the same place. Today, I made the comment, "It's days like these make life seem almost less painful." I was absolutely serious.

    I'm not depressed _because_ of something; I'm just depressed. So depressed that I think of death every day, and would be more proactive about it if it didn't mean orphaning my pets. Anytime you just want to vent, call me. I won't ask any of those stupid questions.