You are driving and see a dark, shadowy figure hunched over the side of the road
The rain sluices as you roll down the window, and you peer through the darkness, trying to discern the features of the entity, bedraggled and forlorn in the deluge.
************************************************************************
The idea behind the writing prompts is that I am following on twitter something called Daily Prompt. It is supposed to help with daily writing exercises, and I want to be a writer someday....
However, this prompt above, which should thrill me to no end, leaves me cold. I'm just not feeling it today. Sorry.
Saturday, October 17, 2009
Al-Anon musings
Been going back to meetings. Since Wednesday I have attended a meeting every day, did a Saturday morning meeting today, and planning on a meeting tomorrow night in Lexington, and taking my daughter along for Alateen.
Today the meeting topic was serenity. I ended up leading the meeting, and I am grateful for enough serenity to lead a meeting.
This week we have talked about forgiveness. This is very important for me to learn about. After pondering it a while, I have discovered that I am not very forgiving to myself or to my husband who is my alcoholic. Because of the hell he has put me through in the past, I walk around looking behind every corner and into every shadow anticipating drunken cruelty, rages, and disappointments.
Reading after reading has told me to lower my expectation for other people, or to have none at all... what if I did this for myself - and lowered my expectations of the negative things as well?
What if I don't expect him to drink or to be sober, but have NO expectations for him? What if I have the expectation for myself that MY SERENITY takes the highest priority, no matter what silly shit someone else is doing?
We also talked about abundance at another meeting this week. One of the best heard things in that meeting to me was to BE GRATEFUL - GREATLY FULL - for even the smallest of things, comforts or gifts in our lives. This is a good thing for me to ponder on too.
From my Al-Anon journal:
SLIP = Serenity Losing Its Priority
Letting other people suffer their natural consequences of their actions allows them full personhood, dignity, and shows that I am not putting myself above that person.
I also had to think about the idea that it is HIGH time I let go and released my Fifth Step to my sponsor. She has her hands full, and I am not sure at this point she is ready to hear it, so I am also thinking that maybe I should find another sponsor. Any input on this would be appreciated.
Today the meeting topic was serenity. I ended up leading the meeting, and I am grateful for enough serenity to lead a meeting.
This week we have talked about forgiveness. This is very important for me to learn about. After pondering it a while, I have discovered that I am not very forgiving to myself or to my husband who is my alcoholic. Because of the hell he has put me through in the past, I walk around looking behind every corner and into every shadow anticipating drunken cruelty, rages, and disappointments.
Reading after reading has told me to lower my expectation for other people, or to have none at all... what if I did this for myself - and lowered my expectations of the negative things as well?
What if I don't expect him to drink or to be sober, but have NO expectations for him? What if I have the expectation for myself that MY SERENITY takes the highest priority, no matter what silly shit someone else is doing?
We also talked about abundance at another meeting this week. One of the best heard things in that meeting to me was to BE GRATEFUL - GREATLY FULL - for even the smallest of things, comforts or gifts in our lives. This is a good thing for me to ponder on too.
From my Al-Anon journal:
SLIP = Serenity Losing Its Priority
Letting other people suffer their natural consequences of their actions allows them full personhood, dignity, and shows that I am not putting myself above that person.
I also had to think about the idea that it is HIGH time I let go and released my Fifth Step to my sponsor. She has her hands full, and I am not sure at this point she is ready to hear it, so I am also thinking that maybe I should find another sponsor. Any input on this would be appreciated.
Tuesday, October 13, 2009
Writing Prompt:
Your camera has images on it you haven't taken.
and my brain reels from thoughts never said,
wonderments I haven't wondered,
and my shelves books I haven't read.
Yet I continue to look
to wonder aloud and quiet
to read when i should drop the book
and to prudently avoid the riot.
So my final conundrum plays out,
and I stop, tempted to regret,
I wonder just what I am about
and just who will pay my karmic debt.
Dorothy Parker, a poet I am not,
And epics, I have never written.
While once I had a great thought,
Now by age I am bitten.
and my brain reels from thoughts never said,
wonderments I haven't wondered,
and my shelves books I haven't read.
Yet I continue to look
to wonder aloud and quiet
to read when i should drop the book
and to prudently avoid the riot.
So my final conundrum plays out,
and I stop, tempted to regret,
I wonder just what I am about
and just who will pay my karmic debt.
Dorothy Parker, a poet I am not,
And epics, I have never written.
While once I had a great thought,
Now by age I am bitten.
Sunday, October 11, 2009
Sunday's Faith
Yesterday I went to another Al-Anon meeting at my old stomping grounds here in Frankfort. It was a great meeting about living in the moment. A share that was near and dear to my heart came from a newcomer, who stated that she can substitute "time" for the word "alcohol" in Step One. Another brought up the fact that we can use the Serenity Prayer as well for dealing with this time problem or urgency addiction. What can we change? What can we not change? Let's put our time where we can make changes, otherwise we are wasting time worrying about things not within our power to change. Good lessons for me, who has been crazy lately working too much and accomplishing too little.
Yesterday I took the day off. First one in over two months. And I went to my 11am meeting, then to lunch and to run errands with a friend. It was fabulous! We had a great time, and had a great lunch. I had shrimp scampi and fried clams - MY TWO FAVORITE seafood dishes!!!
I then went home to spend some time with the kids. We watched television together and played with plastic monkeys. Tara is now a doctor who can cure the swine flu in plastic monkeys. The world can rest easier now! We all ended up crashing in my bed. Poor St Timothy was truly martyred as his relief staff did not show up last night and he ended up working a 32 hour shift. I go pick him up in a little over an hour from now. He took it like a trooper. Working this job has been extremely good for him, in my opinion. It has allowed him to exhibit wonderful qualities I did not know he had. I mean, this time last year he was going on a 5 day drunk and losing a $20+/hour job. Now he is working 32 hours straight at an $8/hr job, because people are counting on him to do so. He is a wonderful caregiver to these people, and he really cares about them as people. If I could bottle that and sell it, every human service agency in the world would be lining up on our doorstep. His actions towards people here, especially considering these are people that have disabilities and are sometimes challenging to work with, demonstrate the law of attraction and the laws of karma in action: Do small things with great love, just like Mother Teresa said. He definitely is. And I am very touched by this. It is another demonstration of how time is spent in the service of others that I can observe and learn from.
Other than that, we are doing well. St Timothy will be taking tomorrow off at my direction, and I will be working at the office to get the last of the paperwork details straightened out.
I also have been enjoying Hay House Radio this weekend. Check them out at Hay House Radio.
Another fabulously awesome thing I noticed this weekend:
The leaves are starting to change in the most beautiful way here. I am going to be taking some photos this week and showing the world how beautiful my little part of Kentucky is.
Namaste, my loves.
Yesterday I took the day off. First one in over two months. And I went to my 11am meeting, then to lunch and to run errands with a friend. It was fabulous! We had a great time, and had a great lunch. I had shrimp scampi and fried clams - MY TWO FAVORITE seafood dishes!!!
I then went home to spend some time with the kids. We watched television together and played with plastic monkeys. Tara is now a doctor who can cure the swine flu in plastic monkeys. The world can rest easier now! We all ended up crashing in my bed. Poor St Timothy was truly martyred as his relief staff did not show up last night and he ended up working a 32 hour shift. I go pick him up in a little over an hour from now. He took it like a trooper. Working this job has been extremely good for him, in my opinion. It has allowed him to exhibit wonderful qualities I did not know he had. I mean, this time last year he was going on a 5 day drunk and losing a $20+/hour job. Now he is working 32 hours straight at an $8/hr job, because people are counting on him to do so. He is a wonderful caregiver to these people, and he really cares about them as people. If I could bottle that and sell it, every human service agency in the world would be lining up on our doorstep. His actions towards people here, especially considering these are people that have disabilities and are sometimes challenging to work with, demonstrate the law of attraction and the laws of karma in action: Do small things with great love, just like Mother Teresa said. He definitely is. And I am very touched by this. It is another demonstration of how time is spent in the service of others that I can observe and learn from.
Other than that, we are doing well. St Timothy will be taking tomorrow off at my direction, and I will be working at the office to get the last of the paperwork details straightened out.
I also have been enjoying Hay House Radio this weekend. Check them out at Hay House Radio.
Another fabulously awesome thing I noticed this weekend:
The leaves are starting to change in the most beautiful way here. I am going to be taking some photos this week and showing the world how beautiful my little part of Kentucky is.
Namaste, my loves.
Thursday, October 8, 2009
Another chilly fall morning...
I am in love with October. It is by far my favorite month. I adore the changing leaves, the chill in the air, the bright blue skies (which I sure we only have in Kentucky) and wind with just a hint of winter in it.
I love this point in the cycle of the year, where nature is having her last hurrah before settling into winter's hibernation. I love the golden reds and the taste of a Jonagold apple picked at just the right time; it embodies even the crisp taste of autumn.
I love waking up and letting my dog out in the morning and the cool rush of air in my face as I open the door. It's comical to watch him have to hesitate with his nose in the air to check out the new, evolving smells of the season.
Last night I was kidnapped from work and coerced back to an Al-Anon meeting by a friend. She stated unequivocally that she needs this in her life, and that she needs to get back to meetings. Of course, part of that is the royal we... I need it too. Especially since my significant other, St Timothy of the Dog's Love for Dirty Socks, is not active in the recovery process anymore. It used to be something we did together. But as he told me, and he was right (it happens occasionally, don't panic), it has to be something I do for myself. And as my sponsor said, they have missed me and my recovery does not depend on the recovery of anyone else.
Well, today's reading was about the phenomenon of coming back to center: When I improve my conscious contact with Source, I find that emotional balance and inner peace can be a part of my daily life.
This is a great promise. It's part of the the Promises that are read at every AA meeting. And I am happy to report, I am now seeing glimpses of its fulfillment.
Today take the time to do something you love, even if only for a moment. And then reflect, how does this connect me to the Source of who am I and what I can be?
I love this point in the cycle of the year, where nature is having her last hurrah before settling into winter's hibernation. I love the golden reds and the taste of a Jonagold apple picked at just the right time; it embodies even the crisp taste of autumn.
I love waking up and letting my dog out in the morning and the cool rush of air in my face as I open the door. It's comical to watch him have to hesitate with his nose in the air to check out the new, evolving smells of the season.
Last night I was kidnapped from work and coerced back to an Al-Anon meeting by a friend. She stated unequivocally that she needs this in her life, and that she needs to get back to meetings. Of course, part of that is the royal we... I need it too. Especially since my significant other, St Timothy of the Dog's Love for Dirty Socks, is not active in the recovery process anymore. It used to be something we did together. But as he told me, and he was right (it happens occasionally, don't panic), it has to be something I do for myself. And as my sponsor said, they have missed me and my recovery does not depend on the recovery of anyone else.
Well, today's reading was about the phenomenon of coming back to center: When I improve my conscious contact with Source, I find that emotional balance and inner peace can be a part of my daily life.
This is a great promise. It's part of the the Promises that are read at every AA meeting. And I am happy to report, I am now seeing glimpses of its fulfillment.
Today take the time to do something you love, even if only for a moment. And then reflect, how does this connect me to the Source of who am I and what I can be?
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