This is more of my attempt to write more in 2009. Please bear with me.
Today I am faced with the dilemma of when is too much, well, just too much. Basically I do not characterize myself as a forgiving person. Yet I have tried to cobble together a life with someone, and he has continued to let me down on every level imaginable. Now he has agreed to go into rehab on Monday, and I am glad for it.
Others are telling me that it will be hard to live without a man, without a husband. However, I did it for about 8 years before I met this one, and for 25 years before I met the first one. I was a single mother for 8 years, and I preferred it, actually. There was no one I had to confer with before I made a parenting decision, and I always knew if I worked (and I always did/do), my kids would not go without. I also slept when I wanted to, and there was no one to wake me up 2-20 times a night to tell me I am snoring...
My dilemma is this:
How can you tell when you no longer love someone?
And can you love someone you cannot trust?
And how many transgressions can/should I overlook before I require someone to be accountable for their actions toward me?
Hmmmm, I may have answered my own question.
I am hypervigilant about my own conduct, especially when it comes to being accountable to those I love. However, I am learning the hard way, in my 40th year, that most people (at least those in my family/marriage) are not.
Anyway, keep the faith. I cannot.