Sunday, January 22, 2012

And the beat goes on....

So far this has been a strange year.

I've been sick alot. Lots of headaches, lots of fibro and arthritis pain. Suspect my blood pressure is extremely high. However, I still have no health insurance or disposable income, so there's really nothing I can do about any of that.

I've been wanting to write even more than usual. And of course, work has been exhausting me even more, and feeling crappy has sucked that energy right out.

I am actually learning, slowly but surely, that nothing is much of a big deal. My health. My work. My home. My whatever. I have lost it all before and probably will again. But somehow, I keep existing, if only for the sick sense of humor of some Supreme Being/Higher Power. (Christians, do not flood my inbox with heartfelt yet useless platitudes. I understand your faith, studied, got the t-shirt; I am not there and you can't force me. Yet. Of course, if the GOP has its way, I am sure that will change.) So what happens here, stays here and it's not a big deal. Am I certain where these thoughts have come from? Not really. It's either sanity or soul-crushing depression.

Right now I can go either way.

Yesterday I attended a fairly good Al-Anon 12 Step Workshop. It is the second time I have attended such a workshop and the 4th time I have worked the 12 Steps. Then I came home, took about an hour before I got warm again, and then fell asleep reading and slept ELEVEN hours. Usually I can only pull this off when I am severely depressed. And while I know I am going to have to drag my carcass forth to go to work 12-18 hours a day, I really don't have the will or strength to do much of anything else.

Of course, sleeping 11 hours (or more than 6) has the lovely effect upon me of kicking in another migraine, so today I will go forth to do a week's worth of housecleaning, laundry, cooking, and scrubbing. When all I want to do is lie in bed and read. And maybe watch Doc Martin.

1 comment:

  1. I'm voting for our own unique brand of sanity. It closely resembles insanity, but the fun kind. We can get t-shirts and drink cocktails on the beach, even if the beach is only our shared delusion. xo.