Sunday, January 8, 2012

2012 - Resolving not to make resolutions

I decided to do what I can in 2012.

No swearing to accomplish heroic feats.

No deciding to fill up another plate of self-loathing in the process of trying to shrink my body into someone else's idea of acceptable.

No more trying to be superwoman.
No more killing myself to support a household where everyone has demands but no one is willing to shoulder the burdens.

I am going to change the things I can. And let the impossible sit it out.

What is not impossible is this:

Write more. Such as type a few lines on the blog once a week.

Eat something healthy instead of shit. I am stretching every dime to buy food as it is, so I might as well as buy something less horrible.

Read more. So many books, so little time.

Breathe. Get back on the cushion.

And finally, the hardest thing of all:

Forgive myself. Stop hating myself for being ugly, fat, slow, stupid, and a self-sacrificing doormat that has achieved not one of my dreams but most of the duties and descriptions thrust upon me by others.
Forgive myself for all the above, and make the last years I have be extraordinary for having one less person hate me: Me.

I'm hoping this is not impossible.

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