So happy to...

... have survived a day at work. There were several moments of dizziness and basically feeling like death eating a cracker. But I am home now, after stopping by the doctor's office AGAIN, to learn that I do not have mono or strep throat and get yet another script for an antibiotic.

So now I am sending the old man back out to pick up this script and basically going to sleep the night away, with a little help from sleepy tea or something!

Forcing my body to do my bidding

...will be the order of the day. I have concocted a cocktail of cold and flu medicine and vitamins and taken it to get the fever down so I won't pass out while I am getting dressed. Unfortunately, I still have not made it out of bed and the medicine has given me heartburn now... the one thing I did NOT have. My, what a sense of humor someone somewhere has!

So here is the deal. I am not aging gracefully. And I have no patience with myself when I am sick. These two things should be information enough to convince me to take better care of myself, right? Alas, I will probably just continue to push on and abuse myself, and then bitch/moan/whine when I cannot force it any longer.

I have 45 minutes before I absolutely *have* to be on the road or I will be late for work. I have been up for 2 hours now trying to force myself to get up and get dressed.

Today's thought: Step up and do what I have to do. Then be grateful that I can still do it. And come home and sleep tonight... longer than in 20 to 30 minute increments!

My advice: Eat right, eat local, and wash your hands. Alot.

Pandemics and other threats of modern life

Today's news is full of the swine flu, and I have the occasion to watch a great deal of it, as I am home with the flu - albeit a different flu, not the H1-N1/swine variety. Our global world is both wonderful and scary. We can pass a germ faster than a snotty kid at kindergarten recess, and I can communicate with my friends in real time on the other side of the world. We actually have to designate a "Eat Local" day. And I suspect much of my own level of stress (which has worn me down the point of illness) is due to instant results being expected in the world of easy answers and instant gratification. I am ashamed to admit I am as enchanted as the rest of the world, so I am part of the problem even as I try to cobble together a personal solution. If I could spend a few days each week tending to my plot of land/life (both literally as well as figuratively) perhaps I would not be so stressed. And if I were eating locally, organic, or at least not so processed, perhaps I would not be so susceptible to all the opportunistic infectious agents out there - people and other organisms.

Tonight's plan is to take some more of the world's most useless and ineffective antibiotics and blow my nose another 50 times and then see if I can maintain my composure (i.e., sitting upright without passing out) I will try to make a meeting. At the very least I will urge Tim to take Chloe to an Alateen meeting. She went about a month ago for the first time, and she has been urging us to take her back ever since. This is the answer to one of my wishes too.

So, even though I am sick and feel like I am being betrayed by my body (again), I am grateful for the small things. They make all the difference.

The prodigal writer returns...

...but she's still not right, and no more of a writer.

It still feels good to be back.

I do have a flu, maybe strep throat, but still.... it does feel good to be back in touch again. I'm looking forward to writing again, and reconnecting with my friends. I have really lost touch since I've been working so much and been off-line.

However, I am a bit under the weather physically today, so I will cut this short, and vow to write more later.

So when does happily ever after start?

I have been pondering the nature of relationships lately. And the conclusion that I have formulated is this:

No matter what, if we cannot treat the ones we love with respect and forgiveness, we are lost.

I feel lost. No so much by myself, but kind of forfeit.

Hopefully I will get Internet access soon so I can expound upon this.

Meanwhile, ask yourself - how I am treating the people I love? How am I treating myself? Are these two things mutually exclusive?

Hiatus

Hey all,
I am once again without Internet access at home. and found out today that it will cost about $350-400 to get back online, so that will not be happening any time soon, unfortunately. The "new" job does not leave me with much time to get to the "old" job to access the Internet, so my postings will no doubt be more sporadic.
Am I doing okay? No,
Am I still alive? Yes.
Trying hard to keep my mind on gratitudes, but with less than 6 hours a day to sleep, shower and drive between jobs, I am basically brain dead.
Sorry this is not more enlightening. Hope to be able to post more soon.