NaNoWriMo

Okay, so I don't have internet access at home, and I failed to figure out how many words one needs for the first day. I made a nice attempt and got all of 750, which made me feel good, as I really like how my opening sounds. This is so unusual for me, so that part is great.

HOWEVER, the amount of words was 1,670... so I wasn't even halfway there. And of course, I have to do up to 3,340 today and 5,000 by tomorrow.... it is not for the faint of heart. And I keep feeling that once I make it through tomorrow I will be better able to devote more energy towards this.....

TOMORROW is the day I have set up to share my Fifth Step with my sponsor. I was scheduled to do this on June 7th, but my grandmother fell on June 4th, had surgery the 5th, and died the 8th. Plus my sponsor's daughter graduated from high school that weekend too... so it was not meant to be.

I took a few months to isolate, heal, lick my wounds, and decide how to best live through this. And I found that I already had alot of wisdom and life's instruction manual in Al-Anon. So I am back, immersing myself in about 5 meetings a week. And doing much better, overall...

This is not to say that I don't have moments of "oh shit" or despair, or whatever. And I have been flirting with depression a bit the past two weeks. But overall, I am hanging on. And I am looking towards small things I can do to take care of myself.

Which brings me back to NaNoWriMo. I am doing this, kind of like when I did the blogathon, as part of my self-care. The process of writing for me is a difficult yet identifying act. This energy I put towards writing is energy of self expression and what I need to do to heal. And survive.